Judgement, Comparisons, and Perfection

A few months ago I was at a neighborhood BBQ pool party. As I sat down to eat I noticed a woman wearing a thong bikini.

My initial reaction was, “Omg, why would she wear that to a community bbq?”

My second thought, “Omg stop, she can wear whatever the hell she wants. It’s not my place to judge.” 

My third thought, “Omg, her ass is literally perfect, as is the rest of her body!”

And finally, “Omg why am I the frumpiest personal trainer alive. I should be working harder in the gym.” 


All these thoughts crossed my mind in a matter of 1.5 seconds. 

And then the disappointment set it. 

Disappointed in myself for judging this woman for what she chose to wear, when it’s absolutely none of my business what she puts on her body. Disappointed in myself for comparing my body to hers. And disappointed for thinking her body was perfect.


Gah! It’s not easy being a woman, right? These types of thoughts go through our head All.The.Time. 

We find ourselves judging other women, usually based on our own insecurities, btw. We’re focused on the “perfect” body, and feel ugly/unworthy/disappointed when our own bodies don’t look that way.

We walk into a party or social situation feeling really good about ourselves, and then suddenly lose confidence when a taller, thinner, more toned, younger, [insert desired adjective here], woman walks in the room.


But guess what, it’s okay. These thoughts aren’t going to go away over night.

We don’t just make the decision to accept our bodies, throw on a bikini, and all is good in the world! 

Ha! Not even close. It’s a practice as anything else. One that we need to work on every day.

We need to let go of all the “shoulds” that plague us as women:


We should look a certain way (tiny, thin, not too bulky). 

We should act a certain way (wear age appropriate clothing, not be too loud, outspoken, or opinionated). 

We should only be focused on weight loss or fixing something about our bodies when it comes to our fitness goals.


All of those shoulds are bullshit. And unfortunately, so ingrained in our brains, that it makes it difficult to let them go.

But if we want to be happy, at ease in our bodies, and free…

then we need to.


A good place to start? Acknowledge those part of your body that you do love…or like…or maybe just barely tolerate. Writing it down, speaking out loud, reminding yourself daily. Even if it feels slightly untrue at first. Be patient, remind yourself how many years you’ve been buying it these lies, and that it’s going to take some time to un-believe them.

Most importantly, we need to call ourselves and our friends, sisters, mothers out when we start thinking bullshit thoughts like I was at the BBQ.


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